The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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