im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
