you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
