So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
