Got a toothbrush?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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