he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
