my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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