I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
