we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize