The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
did you just send me my own nude
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
