Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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