Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
