I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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