I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
