I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize