I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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