yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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