They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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