Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
