I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i came on her dog
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
