I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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