So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
