You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
