Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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