it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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