Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
