I want to walk on stilts...naked
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
