Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
