Already got asked if we're dating
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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