We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
