After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
