Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
