maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize