Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
