Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize