I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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