If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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