I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
