Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
