Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
