I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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