OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
