I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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