Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
