don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
