my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
