dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
