So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
