Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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