Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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