Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
FUCK WHALES
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
