I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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