I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do herpes really smell.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
