It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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