i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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