shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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