she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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