When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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