thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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