Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
