none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
