How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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