My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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