Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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