ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i now understand why vodka
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
