when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
