Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize