I want to make a zoo with you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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