On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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