I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
