I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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