is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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