Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
