census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
