the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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