Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
