Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
