How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
