I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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