The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
