lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
