They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
