Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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