dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
