Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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