Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
